Know the line
“No” is a
complete
sentence.
It doesn’t matter when no is said.
When
No counts at every one of these.
- Before anything happens.
- After kissing.
- After clothes come off.
- After someone previously said yes.
- In the middle of it.
Consent can be taken back at any time. “Stop” means stop. Pulling away means stop. Going quiet and still means stop. You do not get to finish.
Nobody owes you anything because
- They flirted with you.
- They let you buy the drink.
- They went home with you.
- They kissed you.
- They said yes last time.
- They said yes an hour ago.
None of that is a yes. The only yes is a yes, from somebody who is awake, sober enough to mean it, and free to say no instead.
Drunk
Someone too intoxicated to make a decision cannot consent. If you would take her keys, you do not take her home. Being drunk yourself is not a reason either. It is an excuse, and it is the oldest one.
Asleep or out
Asleep is a no. Passed out is a no. “She didn’t say anything” is a no.
Pressure
A yes you had to wear somebody down for is not a yes. If you are still asking after the first no, you already know.
The short version
If you’re not sure, that’s your answer.
Ask. Out loud. “You good with this?” takes a second and it is the least embarrassing sentence you will ever say. Then listen to the answer, including the one that is not words.
This page is education, not legal advice. The definitions above match what RAINN says about consent and about alcohol and consent. How the law defines consent differs by state; RAINN compares them here.